


Humanity

by fitzsimmonsavengers



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, brief mention of Maz Kanata, therebelcaptainnetwork Secret Valentine exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 08:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9812096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fitzsimmonsavengers/pseuds/fitzsimmonsavengers
Summary: After a difficult mission Cassian and Jyn discuss morality and humanity and how difficult it is to keep both during a war against an all powerful enemy.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheSarcasticNazgul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSarcasticNazgul/gifts).



> This is my contribution to the Rebelcaptain Network Secret Valentine exchange :D  
> This gift is for the amazing and very patient thesarcasticnazgul. I'm so so so sorry it took me so long to post this!!! I totally underestimated how busy I would be and overdid myself by taking on two Secret Valentine exchanges!!!
> 
> Nonetheless, I had lots of fun writing this and I hope you enjoy it :D
> 
> Just a quick warning: This involves a very difficult discussion about killing somebody and morality/moral standards and how difficult it is to maintain them during wartimes. I've never been in a warzone so I have literally no idea about the subject. So I feel nervous about the discussion I let Cassian and Jyn have in this fanfiction. It's also why I let neither of them be right or wrong, I leave that judgement up to the reader. I hope I did this difficult topic justice!!! It was inspired by Jyn and Cassians fight after their escape from Eadu in the movie.

Jyn was fuming. How could Cassian have done this?

After the battle on Scarif they had been partnered up together on pretty much every mission either of them had been assigned by the Rebel leadership. Sometimes they were partnered up officially, sometimes the other one just tagged along anyway.

From her time with Saw Jyn knew that being a rebel meant having to do questionable things all the time.

But Cassian had just killed one of their informants out of cold blood. Granted, said informant had been very distraught as soon as problems with their escape arose, probably would have ratted them out or at least drawn unwanted attention to them but it still bothered Jyn how quickly and readily Cassian just killed him on the spot.

Overall their mission had been a success. They were able to retrieve the information they needed and debriefed their commander. Now they had returned to their respective quarters. Or at least Jyn thought so until she heard the door to her bunk being opened and Cassian slipping in.

For a moment Cassian stood there hesitantly. But then his jaw set in a determined, almost angry way. Jyn had seen that expression before. It was how he looked just after their escape from Eadu, after she had called him out for having lied to her about his orders to kill her father.

„Jyn you need to understand ...“, Cassian started but Jyn interrupted him: „There’s nothing to understand Cassian. There was no need to kill that man.“

Cassian sputtered. „No need?! You’ve seen him! He had started to panic, drawing attention to us. Hell he was ready to rat us out.“

„You don’t know that.“, Jyn exclaimed, but she knew that he was right.

Cassian looked at her disbelievingly and Jyn averted his gaze.

She took a deep breath and continued with as calm a voice as she could muster: „Look, you’re right, he was a threat. But that doesn’t justify you killing him.“

Cassians expression darkened.

„Oh it doesn’t?“, he spat out, „What else was I supposed to do?“

„I don’t know.“, Jyn shouted, „Knock him out?“

„Right, so that he could rat us out as soon as he woke up. He knew too much!“

Jyn didn’t know an answer to that. He had a point. But she wanted him to be wrong, so desperately. Because if he was right how did it make them any better than the Empire?

 

Neither of them knew what to say for a long time. Cassians expressions softened as he realized something.

„Jyn ... is this about your father?“, he asked softly. Jyn’s jaw set and she tried to held back her tears with all her might.

They had never talked again about what happened on Eadu after they had survived Scarif. There just hadn’t been any time. Or that’s what Jyn kept telling herself.

 

Cassian took a deep, shaky breath.

„You know I hate this part of my job.“, he started. Jyn looked at him quizzically but she had an inkling where he was going with this.

„I don’t know how much Saw Gerrera included you in the fight when you grew up with him,“, Cassian continued, „But I’m getting the feeling that you never had to kill somebody because you were ordered to or when you simply didn’t see any other way. At least not up close.“

Jyn sank her head and shook her head affirmatively. He was right. The only times she had to kill somebody was out of self defense. Saw had taken her on a few bombing missions but those times it was simple to disconnect because it was easy to forget that there were people under those Stormtrooper masks. And besides they were the enemy. She never had to kill somebody who named themselves an ally.

„The first time I killed somebody out of ... out of cold blood as you call it,“, again Cassian took in a stuttering breath, „Not out of self defense or in a battle, I was eighteen. I had just discovered that my partner on a mission to Coruscant was ready to turn on the Alliance and sell intel to the Empire. I informed my commanding officer when my partner took a bathroom break and he gave me the order to eliminate him immediately. It was the first time when I did not follow orders without question, I tried to argue with my commander. He was furious and told me to eliminate the threat immediately or he would send assassins after both of us. I followed through. I couldn’t look my partner in the eye, asked him to turn his back on me. He pleaded with me, desperately, told me that he needed the money to care for his family. At least that’s what I think he wanted to tell me, because I didn’t even let him finish his sentence. I disposed of the body as quickly as I could and returned to the base. I went off at my commander, told him that there could have been another way and then he asked me an important question: ‚Which one?’ Of course, like you I immediately came up with a couple of options, most of them including a variant of taking my partner prisoner. And my commanding officer immediately asked me a follow up question: ‚Would those options have been more risky than dispose of the threat immediately?’ Those were the words he used, he didn’t even acknowledge my partner as a person. Talked about him like he was an inconvenient hinderance, an object. But I knew that the answer to his last question was ‚Yes’.“

Cassian stopped there. Jyn waited for him to continue but he just stared at her silently and she realized that he wanted to hear what she thought about all of this.

„Your commanding officer was right, it would have been more risky. But we are talking about human lives here Cassian. Shouldn’t those be worth the risk.“

„Yes they should. But we’re at war Jyn. Against a totalitarian regime that kills thousands of people everyday. And men and women like my former partner and our informant today can mean the difference between success and failure for the Alliance. So much is at stake. If the Alliance fails, thousands, millions more people will die and the entire population of the galaxy and future generations will have to live under a regime that has no regards for their lives. If the Alliance succeeds we can save all these people!“, Cassian argued.

„You’re right. But where does that leave us Cassian. Killing our own people or people that at least want to help us because they are probably facing impossible situations themselves that don’t allow them to pledge absolute loyalty to the Alliance. How does that make us any better than the Empire? What are we still fighting for then, if we can’t discern our actions from those of our enemies?“

„We’re at war Jyn. And I’ve learned the hard way that maintaining the higher moral ground more often than not means letting your enemy win. And we can’t afford that. As I said: Too much is at stake.“

Jyn didn’t know how to answer to that. She desperately wanted to find an argument to prove him wrong. Because of they didn’t at least preserve their humanity, what else where they fighting for?

But whatever her answer could have been was cut off by the assembly bell. Being part of the Rebel Alliance meant discipline, which meant a strict schedule, even for dinner.

She rushed past Cassian, not looking back.

 

...

 

Later that night she returned to her quaters, suprised to find Cassian waiting for her sitting on her bunk.

Jyn stepped up to Cassian. For a long time they just looked at each other before Cassian embraced her as tightly as he could. Jyn let her fingers go through his hair and carressed his left cheek, making him look up.

She gave him a gentle kiss, not sure if the tears she tasted were his or hers. Probably both.

 

A while later they both laid in her bed, faces turned towards each other.

Jyn was the first to break the silence. 

„After we win the war, what would you like to do?“, she asked. There was no ‚when’ or ‚if’ in her question. They both knew that winning the war was the only option for them where they could even think of imagining a future.

Cassian sighed: „I actually try not to think about it too often, because honestly, thinking about a time after the war terrifies me. All I ever knew is war.“

Jyn carressed his cheek again and waited, letting him have time to think about it some more.

After a few moments Cassian continued: „I think I would like to go live on some planet where there’s lots of forest and water. And sun. Live in a small cottage built in a clearing close to the lake but not to far away from the next village or city.“

Cassian took a deep breath.

„Takodana would be perfect for that.“, he continued, „Close to Maz Kanata’s castle. It’s not exactly a village but about as many people live there and it’s a hub for space travelers. Remember, we once went there to celebrate our successful mission on Naboo.“

 

Of course Jyn remembered. It was the first time they had seen each other really let loose. And one of the few nights they were able to just forget everything. The massive hangovers both of them suffered from the next day had been totally worth it. And the tense muscles. For some reason neither of them remembered, they both hadn’t made it to their beds, with Cassian falling asleep on the bar floor and Jyn sleeping in her stool, using the bar as a pillow.

„I would like that.“, Jyn said smiling.

Cassian let out an relieved sigh he didn’t know he had been holding. Even though they tended to disagree on many things, he was glad that at the end of the day it was a given for both of them that no matter what came at them, be it the next battle or the daunting prospect of a life after the war, they would tackle it together.


End file.
